We may have been in love that time

[cidermaid]

Hi, I found myself re-reading this several times because i liked it so much, but then also because there are several places where i find myself stumbling over the sentence / story construction.

We splashed down the street; Like this it gives me a solid image with lots of possitive connections.
though our minds held hands,
our fingers dared not touch. I love this opening stanza for intent of content, but my first read gave me an image much more abstract than the simple image I think you intended. (of minds [literally] holding [a] something [in this case hands] that is in someway a dangerous substance / something). Your sentance construction is perfectly rational so I'm not sure how I am twisting this - but the read becomes twisted and this in turn affects the smoothness of the read. Perhaps it is the use of "our" to connect the lines. Perhaps you should wait n see if anyone else finds a stumble...it could just be me!

Conversation spiralled, spilling,
breaching walls as yet unseen;
floodwater filled our ditches. I had a similar issue with this stanza over the use of spilling. It can read as if the subject is breaching walls that are spilling rather than the conversation. Think this might need a bit more of a tweek than just one word . Just looking at this to make some order to my thoughts but not offered as a credible edit suggestion:-

Conversation spiralled, spilled
like floodwater, breached,
unseen walls, filled our ditches.



Puddled reflections mirrored two I like puddled refelection, gives the the image a sullied aspect.
creatures of different breeds
too alike to wade in deep. not sure what wade in deep is quite right. (perhaps an image to suggest the fording of the puddles)

We may have been in love
then, but showing it
would shatter tainted calm. Although the sentiment is sweet, is this stanza needed...sorry it feels like a filler.

I kept my head above The use of above makes me question, above what? Is this needed. I think you could take out above and it would actually strengthen the sentiment of i kept my head and connect better with the but lost you.
but lost you, once the waves I like waves but perhaps ripples might add a layer of meaning.
we made caught up.

hope these thoughts are of some help AJ.