11-16-2013, 04:38 AM
Funny....normally I'd scream about the sentence fragments, but given the title, I thought they were intentional....
Both billy and tek have given you wonderful crits. What I would add is that you have a misuse of colons here---remember that colons are used to rephrase or list things after a clause. If you really are striving for fragments, a semicolon won't do either....so I would suggest a dash.
Can't wait for the revision. Remember always---try to be clear to your audience. It doesn't make you deep if they don't understand.
mel/bena
Both billy and tek have given you wonderful crits. What I would add is that you have a misuse of colons here---remember that colons are used to rephrase or list things after a clause. If you really are striving for fragments, a semicolon won't do either....so I would suggest a dash.
Can't wait for the revision. Remember always---try to be clear to your audience. It doesn't make you deep if they don't understand.
mel/bena