The ballad of dancing Willy rabbit heart (true-enigma edit)

[Todd]

Hi Chaaz,

I like the edit. It's more direct. I like that it calls out the lobotomy. I like how the structure's more consistent. So, of course my one comment will foul that up.

I think you may want to change the lines around in this strophe:

That's it Willy,
you beautiful black bastard,
move those arms wobble those legs,
in a spittle stained T-shirt and polyester pants.
[/quote]

I think your line 4 here needs to be your line 3. Options for keeping the line consistency:

1. Cut and polyester pants
2. Blend the pants into the wobble those legs phrasing

Just something to think about.

Best,

Todd