Cocoon

[Graystar]

Hi Stephanie,
Delightful poem with movement that flutters in exquisite ways. I learn so much from Todd's critiques on other's poems. I am new at this but I had a few thoughts I'd like to share.

Still working on my other poem but going to let it rest for a wee while then come back to it.

Cocoon as a title is fair enough but to me my brain thinks Origami Dream
Cocoon

Could this be reversed? They unrolled me like a paper thin cocoon
the day butterflies broke free from my body.
The day my butterflies broke free from my body
they unrolled me like a paper thin cocoon

Then begin new sentence with more flesh on L3
opened out, insides exposed
held me up to the light and saw right through me.

They fold me differently each day,
sometimes a plane, sometimes a boat. I agree with Todd but perhaps an airplane would work

at sundown they turn back my corners
press me flat, but the creases remain Love this image

a map of reminders of all the shapes
I did not sustain. They write on me

but the story doesn’t stick,
the words jumble into empty noise. I disagree with Todd here, I like the line.

Once they cut me into a child’s snowflake,
that night the holes in my body leaked dark onto the bed. Wonderful

There are versions of me in magazines, glossy sheets
that mock my worn parchment until it’s corners curl. More wonderful

Each morning I try to draw myself a mouth
but the lines blur, bleed my lips to buttons, absolutely wonderful

sometimes I romantise myself into letters
from imagined lovers who run their ink stained fingers

over my yellowed skin as if it were lined with gold.
One day I will learn the art of origami

fold myself into a bird and fly away. The light draws me
like a moth in winter until the edges of me are singed back. Did you mean back here or black?

I am afraid of windy days, hold on tightly
to my children’s paperweight arms.

You have a way with words Stephanie! Keep writing! Thank you, I am truly awed by this poem.