11-15-2013, 03:23 AM
Hi, Brendan, thanks for reading and for your insightful comments.
Tense was a dilemma for me here because the poem is in the present but the boardwalks are a thing of the past. I was hoping the word ghost would lead the reader that way, but maybe not. I had "claimed by the ocean" but axed it, too blunt.
But even with my premise, the tenses are probably mixed up. I'll continue struggling with it, thanks for bringing it up.
I'm also not sure if the "clever breaks" are so busy being clever that they lose their emotion, which is what is usually at the heart of anything of mine that comes close to succeeding.
And I'll look over my lack of "and"s.
Again, thanks so much for taking this on.
Tense was a dilemma for me here because the poem is in the present but the boardwalks are a thing of the past. I was hoping the word ghost would lead the reader that way, but maybe not. I had "claimed by the ocean" but axed it, too blunt.
But even with my premise, the tenses are probably mixed up. I'll continue struggling with it, thanks for bringing it up.I'm also not sure if the "clever breaks" are so busy being clever that they lose their emotion, which is what is usually at the heart of anything of mine that comes close to succeeding.
And I'll look over my lack of "and"s.
Again, thanks so much for taking this on.
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