Hunter S. Thompson

[tectak]

Hunter s. Thompson truly chased the dragons tail,
While captaining a ship of madness powered by a cocaine sail.
He pulled up anchor and left behind sanity,
In search of his treasure, the dark underbelly of humanity.
Hunter sailed upon LSD wishes and mescaline dreams,
Only to find the world isn't quite as beautiful as it seems.
He took in the undesirable, he took in the bad,
He translated it all through his pen, and onto his pad.
Hunter left us to soon, no more stories for him to make.
Forever sailing upon a limitless sea of booze,
Leaving only genius in his wake...

Hello ryan,
I want to say that there is much wrong with this but in languishing uncommented upon I wonder if there is just too much to comment on...but then again, there is some good stuff, too.
The first 2 lines are interesting meter-wise. It is just possible to read them both rhythmically in a Ginsbergian breath, but examination to discover "classical" meter just fails. You write with confident swagger that defies peurile crit but little things let the piece down. L3/4 scans not at all. L4 particularly is extended past its base and topples. Way too many feet but no sense of balance. Perhaps you want prose-praise?
Sorry. It is just too clunky. (Note the t-o-o)
You make it worse by writing good words then capitalising every line so that the confusion of oratory is increased. Read it all out loud. I do. It is like trying to read the label on a rotating vinyl LP. ( How old am I?!)
Content wise it is probably a fair call. HST didn't flip my switch in the same way as say, Alan Wicker, but what the hell, thinking is the best way to travel(sic and quote and cliche).
Tighten it up. Lose the cliches. There is, on average, 0.75 of them per line!
Best,
tectak