11-14-2013, 10:16 AM
Accompany
Pain, the tour guide,
a friendly foe who calls
"Come! Walk with me
along the curving landscape
of a body aged by heat." (I don't understand the "body aged by heat" - like the curving landscape, but not sure how they relate, or if they need to)
Stiff arthritic toes curl
in protest hotly gasping. (Can't quite get toes gasping, but maybe that's just me)
Pain dances as if barefoot ( This line is interesting - like it!)
and carefree. Imagine!
Fickle friend indeed.
Head-fever ache of blinding pain
hangs on weeping for relief.
Fried with sun-fury calves (what is it that is fried?)
restlessly beg
"Set us free! Hell drags us about!" (The Hell part seems out of place here - and when reading aloud sounds choppy to me)
Pain smiles and eases
her warm clinging fingers,
bound by oath to answer
glory-damned screams,
temptress of hope that she is.
Please know that I am new to this and take with the (proverbial) grain of salt. I would bold - face my comments, but can't figure out how ~
Pain, the tour guide,
a friendly foe who calls
"Come! Walk with me
along the curving landscape
of a body aged by heat." (I don't understand the "body aged by heat" - like the curving landscape, but not sure how they relate, or if they need to)
Stiff arthritic toes curl
in protest hotly gasping. (Can't quite get toes gasping, but maybe that's just me)
Pain dances as if barefoot ( This line is interesting - like it!)
and carefree. Imagine!
Fickle friend indeed.
Head-fever ache of blinding pain
hangs on weeping for relief.
Fried with sun-fury calves (what is it that is fried?)
restlessly beg
"Set us free! Hell drags us about!" (The Hell part seems out of place here - and when reading aloud sounds choppy to me)
Pain smiles and eases
her warm clinging fingers,
bound by oath to answer
glory-damned screams,
temptress of hope that she is.
Please know that I am new to this and take with the (proverbial) grain of salt. I would bold - face my comments, but can't figure out how ~