Fragments

[tectak]

Hello,
You have chosen to post this in the Serious Workshopping Forum. by simple implication you therefore wish to improve the piece. There are many aspects to writing poetry which you will either ignore or espouse according to your ethos or ability. Good grammar is, though, not an option. Grammatical inconsistency usually implies lack of ability. On that basis, and considering the chosen forum,here goes.

Etched memories, carved. This is not a sentence. The period is pointlessly and hopelessly located. You will say it is a typo. Then you will say that the line capitalising is also a typo. Then I ask....well, why did you not correct this basic error before posting? See forum rules
Into barren stone. "Etched memories carved into stone" is a massively overused cliche. Some cliches are more cliched than others. Find some other way of saying what you are trying to say
Slightly faint: This is not only NOT a sentence, it is not even an acceptable clause. The next line is bizarre, grammatically unlinked and because of basic errors means nothing. If English is not your first language I apologise. If it is, then you should apologise.
is meaning subdued and
battered.

Grinded stone "Grinded"????Huh???? GROUND!!!This is infant talk. Mummy, he eated my ice-cream. Mummy, he broked my car. Mummy, he grinded my stone
scattered. Not a sentence. Why the period. What do you think it means? What is it there for? Ah. Another typo.Sheeesh
To nestle You NEED to continue the line above. The period makes this a nonsense. You MUST read what you have written OUT LOUD. The pauses which you have introduced will then be heard to be ridiculously misplaced
into sand
glimmering bright,
illuminating the
shadows twisting,
casting darkness cresecent. The four lines above are just too away from rescue so I am calling off the operation. CRESCENT for goodness sake. Oh....a typo. CHECK YOUR WORK BEFORE POSTING.

The Moon is bleeding
the blood, a child's
it washes through my hair
drenching me
I am disgusted:
reminded of love. This is what you wrote:
"The Moon is bleeding the blood, a child's it washes through my hair drenching me I am disgusted:
reminded of love"

You put it right. This kind of nonsense must be nipped in the bud. Can you do it? If you edit to clarity and make some effort then the crits will be more inclined to help you. As it is, this whole piece will be moved to novice should the edit not materialise. Give it a go! You MUST see how nonsensical your grammar is.

A time of scattered pieces,
repressed.
Memories breaking free,
rising above the neglect.
The illusions,
decaying.
The flesh, its stench - stronger..

Cool mists settling
the water's surface a host.
Darkness, consistent.
Constantly concealing the pieces
to the puzzle plaguing your memory.
Still they glimmer! What glimmers (twice)

This is very poor. You are trying far too hard to squeeze poetic plasma out of a sterile stone. Overall advice would be to rewrite the piece using a discipline (like, say, meter) to force you to remain within a structure.
Free-verse and free-thoughts are all very well and good but the technique only throws up errors and idiosyncratic nonsense verse UNLESS you have the skills to temper what you may believe is your red-hot profundity. You may also believe that calling a piece "Fragments" excuses you. It does not. If you had titled the piece "Disconnected bits of my addled mind" you may just have got away with it...but I doubt it. Cool down and write within your abilities. If you feel strongly that your mental peregrinations are poetry then I have to say good luck with that...but remember, if you POST IN SERIOUS WORKSHOPPING not everyone will agree with you. That is what the forum is here for. Do you want this piece moving to Novice? Please advise.
Best,
tectak