Love Is A Maze
#5
(11-08-2013, 05:21 AM)Anonymous Wrote:  Love is a maze of truth I kinda like this opener. It's like "truth" is what's at the centre of the maze, which people are trying to reach.
With all the dead ends..
We grew
All the hardships, This doesn't really make sense, given that the next line is "pushing through". How can you overcome hardships while also "growing" them, which to me implies that said hardships are the lovers' fault?
Pushing through
And in the end what I found
Was you.

First you ripped my heart off my sleeve Nice subversion of the old phrase; I like the touch of bloodiness you added to it. Should a comma go at the end of this line, by the way?
Even then we loved,
Anonymously.
We rushed, I tripped and fell This image is funny, which may not have been your intention.
Growing distant,
But on the same trail
In this maze searching for the truth, Good idea here; makes me picture the lovers in different parts of the maze, feeling frantically along.
But in the end
What I found
Was you.
The setting and characters are a bit bare, but you have some good lines here. Critique is JMHO, of course. Thank you for the readSmile
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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Messages In This Thread
Love Is A Maze - by Anonymous - 11-08-2013, 05:21 AM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by rowens - 11-08-2013, 08:34 AM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by Nick - 11-09-2013, 07:01 AM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by Graystar - 11-10-2013, 07:21 PM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by heslopian - 11-12-2013, 02:31 PM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by aaa1993 - 11-12-2013, 03:41 PM
RE: Love Is A Maze - by bena - 11-16-2013, 11:22 AM



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