11-11-2013, 09:25 AM
Hi,
I rather liked the content, pegged on staring at a photo, and wondering why the narrator can't be ''free'' (he likes his prison). I would suggest, though, that you would have done better, and made it more pointed, had you stuck to the metre of the first line (iambic pentameter) for the rest of the piece, and, like justcloudy, I think you could make the ending more snappy.. Worth working on.
I rather liked the content, pegged on staring at a photo, and wondering why the narrator can't be ''free'' (he likes his prison). I would suggest, though, that you would have done better, and made it more pointed, had you stuck to the metre of the first line (iambic pentameter) for the rest of the piece, and, like justcloudy, I think you could make the ending more snappy.. Worth working on.