Jane (a sonnet)

[SirBrendan]

I remember I wrote a poem, a sonnet if I'm not mistaken, for my lady. She became my wife and I'm fairly certain I had a piece in which i suggested she was a fuzzy as a koala and heart stopping as a moose(up here in Canada, crashing into a moose isn't entirely uncommon and typically fatal). Point being, you'll be judged on the merit of your heart and intentions (which are sweet), rather than on the analytical qualities of your playful sonnet. But, since you posted it up

Gonna ask "her" out when I pick her up from the airport this Sunday. With a sonnet. Women love sonnets
Line 6 is choppy as hell. I need help
Catch the REO Speedwagon reference.
Catch the Disney references. Women love Disney
Her middle name is Jane.



No longer can I wait to bust a move,
to take a chance, a leap of faith, and see
if maybe, just maybe, our destinies
are tied, if Fate would smile and approve.
What started out as friendship can improve -- I dislike the approve and improve being side by side when not the same rhyme scheme. It makes the poem seem too easy.
into something too awesome to forsee.
So, milady, I think that you and me
should date (and maybe one day fall in love). Gasp! Improve and love most certainly do not rhyme, good sir. Also, stating love and asking out should be miles apart in my experience :p
So if you're feeling brave it's time to fly
upon a magic carpet all our own,
our spirits such that nothing can contain.
You'll never know if you're afraid to try
and neither of us likes to be alone--
what say you, then? This Tarzan needs his Jane! Oh dear lord that is fantastic! That is so goofy and innocent, it's a guaranteed critical strike

Like I said, the fact that you made a poem for her and had the courage to give it to her is all that matters, but I hope the mild critique helps with what it can. Good luck sir