Myosotis

[milo]

Child,
When I saw you
I was afraid
To touch you
My hands
Unworthy
Of your innocence
Fragile...Infant...Buddha!!
Your atomic smile The atomic smile could be used to light up the world not silence it- hey, how about enlighten the world as long as we got Buddha here- the silence the world aspect brings an atomic explosion into the interpretation and I don't think that is your intent with the piece.
Enough to silence the world
Now,
After all the flowers
I remain
Years will pass
The wreaths and sprays
All discarded
In my thoughts
Always
One
Glorious
Forget-me-not_

Nah keith, an atomic explosion was intended but thanks for the input
chazz

---

Hey milo,
It seems that my response to your original question has offended you in some way or at least that's how it comes across. I appreciate what you have to say and your opinion is duly noted. Perhaps in hindsight, I shouldn't have posted this one because of the subject matter that you obviously overlooked. That said, how would you format this....
Chazz

I wasn't offended at all but, I assume you posted this here to get a reader's reaction so I wanted to be as honest with you as possible. If you want to figure out the best place to break, first try removing all of your breaks, then read through your piece and try to break on important words (almost always nouns and verbs) that add to your central metaphor or add music to your piece. Let's take a look:

Child, When I saw you I was afraid To touch you My hands Unworthy Of your innocence Fragile...Infant...Buddha!! Your atomic smile Enough to silence the world Now, After all the flowers I remain Years will pass The wreaths and sprays All discarded In my thoughts Always One Glorious Forget-me-not_

Ut oh, when you read it like this, it becomes obvious you have some other things to fix as well, doesn't it?