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[justcloudy]

I think it starts to come alive briefly with:

Wanting what'd be his in heaven
Hunger flaring, all he'd ask,

would be for painted poles and ribbons
ponies prancing on the lawn.


I added the 'for', but some might not think you need it. And what do you think about the punctuation in the poem?

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I wrote that before you added to your reply.

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The first stanza isn't very easy to follow.
Why do you say: For purple pockets filled with pebbles?

Because she's his little girl, and he's praying for her to come back. She wore purple, was free enough to wander about, and she often pocketed pebbles. I want her to seem young... but I still pocket pretty pebbles, and you had to ask, so I guess it's not clear enough.