11-08-2013, 04:08 PM
For my read I am with Milo in my preference to rev 2. I think that too much is lost when you take out the patient notes and hope that you continue to work along these lines. I can appreciate your difficulty with the notes in that they intrude on the poem, but at the same time perhaps you should consider that the books have a similar effect when you read them. It all starts off in a perfectly sensible line of reasoning a quickly spirals into absurdity and then at the end the reader is jerked in an abrupt and uncompromising way back into reality.
I was just musing on the idea that you had sort of expressed in an earlier comment about developing these poems into a series. Have you thought of having Alice's "communications" on each chapter of the book or even each character? Perhaps in this way the effect of the patient notes would more echo the book, in that they would have a role to anchor and set a seal on either end of the poem series. Just an idea.
AJ
I was just musing on the idea that you had sort of expressed in an earlier comment about developing these poems into a series. Have you thought of having Alice's "communications" on each chapter of the book or even each character? Perhaps in this way the effect of the patient notes would more echo the book, in that they would have a role to anchor and set a seal on either end of the poem series. Just an idea.
AJ