The Feeling

[lainey]

The Feeling

I miss the feeling of thinking,
about another, about our future,
My, smiles rise from those images. My? This was jarring on my first reading

I miss the feeling of being, Opening your stanzas like this repeatedly makes them seem like journal entries. You should inject some imagery - metaphor etc.
next to another, on another,
The scent of oils on the cloth.

I miss the feeling of spending,
my time, energy, and even worries,
Oh, the effort we put in.

I miss the feeling of feeling,
in general, from the thoughts, presence,
and times with another.

Missing is a feeling I'd like to replace with actual feelings. This line is really awkward, out of place. On first reading I thought you were making a comment that was apart from your poem.


-Viv