11-06-2013, 08:46 AM
Some of the images and words are far more advanced then your scheme.
"Girls gathered on the shore,
glassy pebbles dreaming to skim across sheets of blue
unaware that once the skipping ends
they will plunge into the murk. "
for example, this image is outstanding. However, there's no metre, structure, rhyme or otherwise measure. I get freeform poetry is a thing, but if you can conjure something like this, it shouldn't be a thing for you. It's very hard to critique when you didn't set down any boundaries . I'd really like to see you chew on something heavier, but naturally, that's just my opinion
"Girls gathered on the shore,
glassy pebbles dreaming to skim across sheets of blue
unaware that once the skipping ends
they will plunge into the murk. "
for example, this image is outstanding. However, there's no metre, structure, rhyme or otherwise measure. I get freeform poetry is a thing, but if you can conjure something like this, it shouldn't be a thing for you. It's very hard to critique when you didn't set down any boundaries . I'd really like to see you chew on something heavier, but naturally, that's just my opinion
If I could say only one thing before I die, it'd probably be,
"Please don't kill me"
"Please don't kill me"