11-06-2013, 06:17 AM
Hi Chris,
I think I prefer the shorter version:
After the games
he became symbolic
of their withered glory.
She was the epitome--fairly tight as it is, I might look to kill the was.
of their lost physique.
Watch him slink away
to pommel his horse;
she’ll escape to her room
to vault mattresses.
No major issues. I like the way you sum up the relationship. I like the title, and I like the double entendres of the gymnastics.
It's a good piece.
Best,
Todd
I think I prefer the shorter version:
After the games
he became symbolic
of their withered glory.
She was the epitome--fairly tight as it is, I might look to kill the was.
of their lost physique.
Watch him slink away
to pommel his horse;
she’ll escape to her room
to vault mattresses.
No major issues. I like the way you sum up the relationship. I like the title, and I like the double entendres of the gymnastics.
It's a good piece.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson