11-06-2013, 12:27 AM
(11-05-2013, 11:49 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote: he became symbolicHi, Chris. first impression: I don't know if you have a reason for the mixed tenses, but I'd be more comfortable with just two.
of their withered glory.
She was the epitome
of their lost physique.
Watch him slink away
to pommel his horse;
she’ll escape to her room
to vault mattresses.
He slinks away
to pommel his horse;
she escapes to her room
to vault mattresses.
I found the first four lines so eloquent; the last four, clever as they are, felt rough below them.
Thanks for posting this, I enjoyed the read.
Oops, also capitalize the first "he".
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

