The wind

[Keith]

Smoke blows complaints
in sheltered accommodation,
drinks to remember
a perilous occupation.

Man i've read this like twenty times i like it alot but i get lost here. Not sure what bothers me about it. maybe because it seems more literal than visual. The rest is well done though.
cheers

Hi Charlesjoseph, I was trying to link with the poppies and my old Navy sailor, sheltered also has a sea going connotation, I used occupation because of the potential double use, I also wanted to say he's not happy in the later of his life cant even smoke in his this home. Hope this makes sense. My original last line was:-
What he gave for our nation. best keith