11-05-2013, 05:10 AM
Excellent subject matter for a sonnet (in that ANYTHING is good subject matter for a sonnet, not just touchy feely stuff). You handle the form well for the most part and you have used contemporary language perfectly.
You could try "quite confident and cool and fucking slick" in L12 to fix the meter. It's off in L10 as well unless I pronounce "chemISTS" really horribly... but I'm not sure what to suggest just now.
Nicely done
You could try "quite confident and cool and fucking slick" in L12 to fix the meter. It's off in L10 as well unless I pronounce "chemISTS" really horribly... but I'm not sure what to suggest just now.
Nicely done
It could be worse