Struggling, I Swim.

[tectak]

I swim,
through her coldness
my wish; wash me clean.
My conscience, too.
Sorrow illuminated,
by the dwindling evening sun.

I've never wanted to hide
her destructive power
doesn't phase me.
To lose me, is to lose her strength.
Grief, is the anguish that sways
the rippling waters to my touch.

Breathing heavily,
wading through her
for a moment of clarity
I thought I'd escape
for a little while.
Drink
and sing
to drown him out.

Not here,
no.
Here, it is worse.
The screams are louder.
They're the restlessness
her stillness conceals.

Remembering her jagged edge,
rigid
and cruel.
Gripping my shoulders,
and pulling me under
forcing me into the cliff face
tearing my body to bloody ribbons.
pulled free to air
and ripped into the cold again.

Her,
were she to kiss me again,
to have another taste
without doubt, she'd bleed me dry

Hi euan,
Well, this is a smorgasbord. I want to eat it all but there are way too many things on offer. I could end up with indigestion. You need to refine your presentation. Pick a course and make it tempt me. This is everything at once and it just does not work.
I will not talk technicalities.
Cleanse your poetic palate and get to the core issues. My metaphor has run out. You need to get one...a central theme to dance around.
Best,
tectak