Post-Utopian

[ellajam]

Hi, Viktor, you've got some striking images here. While for me the beginning was strong, I feel the rest could use some tightening up. Here are some notes.

The lights went out.
No one ever told us why;
no official explanation on the television.
Radios became a hollow shell of hope. Strong opening, I really like this line
Devastating our mental barricades.

People broke down. Here it seems like you started listing facts. meh.
Moral codes became subjective
as our world was held captive.
I looked to the sky,
and I didn't see our stars. Strong image

Obviously life was different. obviously, stating the obvious, , cut
Cement skeletons with glass for skin. well said
was a new skyline, as we looked on
in our state of the art slums. I'm sure you could find a more interesting way to say this

The past holds no relevance,
the future holds no realism.
Yesterday is a dream, not a fan of this ending, it states longing and fear but doesn't make me feel it.
while tomorrow is a nightmare.

I think you have something to work on here, hopefully you'll get some more crits so you can compare responses.

Thanks for posting this.