10-29-2013, 08:28 AM
Full disclosure, I'm brand new to this, so weigh that when considering what I have to say!
Frankly, I found this mildly obscure; opaque-ish, if you will. The only real meaning that I managed to glean was a sort of negativity. It would be helpful to the average humble reader to have some sort of context or concept in mind when reading this, if you feel that something like this can be added without compromising your work.
Additionally, I couldn't help but wonder if you used this sort of language because you find it poetic, instead of because it says what you want it to say. This kind of phrasing has its place in poetry, of course, but I personally prefer to live in the present, and therefore I appreciate use of modern English.
Frankly, I found this mildly obscure; opaque-ish, if you will. The only real meaning that I managed to glean was a sort of negativity. It would be helpful to the average humble reader to have some sort of context or concept in mind when reading this, if you feel that something like this can be added without compromising your work.
Additionally, I couldn't help but wonder if you used this sort of language because you find it poetic, instead of because it says what you want it to say. This kind of phrasing has its place in poetry, of course, but I personally prefer to live in the present, and therefore I appreciate use of modern English.