10-27-2013, 12:07 PM
Todd, I agree. I am going to change it to Milo's suggestion (if I can ever read it again without singing Gilligan's island though..that's a different problem).
Maybe I can incorporate white cane. .Also.. I'm still trying to work out that passive/active voice nit you pointed out.
Billy, thanks for stopping by and adding your suggestions. I laughed so hard at "slutbox" I almost choked. The 2nd to last line of the poem is giving me the hardest time. Maybe I can find a word somewhere between harlot and slutbox.
Definition of stem that I am using.. to occur or develop as a consequence.
That sucks that fuck me blind is a cliche. Oh well.. I'm keeping it as it is sorta the foundation I wrote the poem around.
Maybe I can incorporate white cane. .Also.. I'm still trying to work out that passive/active voice nit you pointed out.
Billy, thanks for stopping by and adding your suggestions. I laughed so hard at "slutbox" I almost choked. The 2nd to last line of the poem is giving me the hardest time. Maybe I can find a word somewhere between harlot and slutbox.
Definition of stem that I am using.. to occur or develop as a consequence.
That sucks that fuck me blind is a cliche. Oh well.. I'm keeping it as it is sorta the foundation I wrote the poem around.