snake

[allykat727]

Nice! I really liked the feel of this piece. It is kind of dark and whimsicle like a fairytale gone wrong.

Senior snake, the old and wise
may I take your council free of demise?

Or will you take what I have to say
as a tasty surprise? great line, it conveys the worry of being eaten in a creative way

Will I meet your demise? I like the repetition of this question. It shows the narrator's anxiety or timidness.

Sorry senior, my eyes are burning
harshly from the sun.

Snake, out in the desert I can't
smell what is food or rot. Interesting idea... a snake that's no good at being a snake...

How do you survive in this
death like place?

Rise, said the snake.
In the desert
every treat you must take. Is this senior talking? It seems that way but from here on out I found myself a bit confused as to who is speaking.

Fake or otherwise a lie can be
history or demise. Is there a purpose to the word demise being used here again? Perhaps that needs to be made clearer? Also, who is speaking?

I am just a hungry desert snake
if you thrive on lies,
ill be your demise. I think this is the narrator here again, and if so, its brilliant. Like he is saying, I'd rather die than live in a world of lies and deception. More of the snake that's not very good at being a snake idea.

I don't lie I just slither
on by, looking for those things,
where weak resides. I think this is senior again. Love the rhythm and meter of this stanza.

Things that tickle my belly inside. Great last line

Thanks for the read! This piece conveys a simple yet profound message in an interesting way. Good work