I'm Going to Your Mother's House...

[billy]

The scene is vivid and gripping.

From "harold" to "crab", however, I am as lost as Chris was. There are perhaps many other allusive ways you can describe the guy as a drug dealer, that aren't so dense as to elude most readers. Also, to describe the shotgun as snug, to me, begs for some imagery involving the loading of the weapon.

he was a cuckhold not a gangster/drug dealer, it seems the word dose doesn't have the vd connotations it does in the uk, i'm not sure how i can remedy the proble without saying something like [syphilis master]

The "day the birds died" begs for some elaboration, and my expectations are confounded once you get to the actual victims: poodles. Why poodles, and not cockatiels, or toucans, or yellow-naped Amazonians, for that matter?

poodles because they were hers. not being a murderer the 1st person wasted the dogs instead. i did inquire about other animals he could have killed instead but the 1st person assured me they're were only two poodles in the house at the time

I suppose there is something intrinsically parodic or farcical about a poodle qua dog. If the birds at the beginning are the metaphorical birds of love, though, why not return to them instead?

the birds were meta and not returned to because the bastards had left already :J:

The indentation of the final line is the perfect device. It accomplishes a sense of departure that is quite satisfying, particularly given what came before.

Hope that helps. It was a good read.

it all helps. i'll see if i can redo the crab line.
thanks for the feedback