I'm Going to Your Mother's House...

[EmilyJune519]

        It was the day birds died,
        the day you, me, us departed. I don't think "us departed" works... maybe cut it to "the day we departed." I think it's stronger.

        Seeing you knelt on our bed
        trussed like pig on a stick
        taking it boy scout style;
        gave me an erection. Great imagery

        I was embarrassed.

        why not a Shirley Temple lie
        while licking a lollipop?
        It would have been much sweeter
        than grunts of infidelity.Again, great imagery and description.

        I could have pretended.

        The twelve bore was as snug
        as Harry's hairy bollocks,
        lay asleep behind its blued-steel door
        your bore was less safe.
        Harold was a 90's dose master,
        the one,
        the only eternal crab.

        I woke the sleeping weapon
        blasted your two poodles;
        one barrel per parody.

And departed.

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i used departed at the end in the hope of hooking back to the start, not sure if it works.

I enjoyed this poem very much. It kind of reminds me of the poem "After School, Street Football, Eighth Grade" by Dennis Cooper.