10-24-2013, 07:12 AM
The syntax in this sonnet is admirably straightforward, and accomplishes an almost perfect rhyme scheme. There's no twisting or writhing in your lines, which is common among "new" poets trying to mesh structure and cohesion. In short, for someone so modest this work is very good
My sole quibble would be that there's no central image for the sonnet to hinge on, so it slides into forgettability. Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley, for instance, had as its image the decayed statue, which is what stays in my mind when I can't remember the words. JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read!
My sole quibble would be that there's no central image for the sonnet to hinge on, so it slides into forgettability. Ozymandias by Percy Bysshe Shelley, for instance, had as its image the decayed statue, which is what stays in my mind when I can't remember the words. JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read!
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe