Walk in my shoes....

[ehabuncensored]

Walk in my shoes

Wakin up at 9, to work till 5, it sounds long but all I do is drive. A big bus from one end of the city to the other, transporting the lower to middle class,whether its off to work or going to see ur mother. I rarely get thanked and never feel appreciated, except when I'm behind schedule n no1 knows, but deep inside "yes I made it". Day to day week to week same route same times, same seat. As I continue this pattern , my views in life become bleek, as I toss and turn because my son tells me, daddy you don't understand, what makes me happy! I tell him son u have to make dues, here put these on walk a mile in my shoes.....

Every night is torture, in remberance of the patients Ive lost. As the supervisors of the hospitals just see the cost. I go home each night after every shift cursing myself for what I once thought was a gift. Peoples lives are in my hand, and I continue to decide who lives and who dies, through my doctrine but I still don't understand. So I guess my practice is full of lies. I started this so I can help the people, but the proccess to come see me, itself is lethal. All I hear in my head is the blues, as I look to anyone to walk in my shoes.......

I keep waking up in the same situation, born in the hood so I guess that's my final destination. I gotta make a come up or this is me forever iv seen niggas here fo 50 years n nothin gets better. I gotta a family a kid an dreams of havin a house in the hills. But I'm in the hood so I'm a trapper tryna be a rapper just to pay the bills. Eat or get ate, that's the motto out here, cause liven in these streets u gotta have no fear. So I shutdown opposition and stomp down on friends, to make sure this isn't where my road ends. Man but these are all self made issuess,  please i ask can anyone fill these shoes?

I was takin to the military to fight  for my country,  only 18  n now here I sit under a bridge cause its them who shunned me. I believed and support a conflict I didn't understand, but I was satisfied because it made me a man. Pushed and pushed till I beat all expectations n now 20 years later now I have no affiliations, my family looks at me with no relation, and I'm left here alone to battle my frustrations.a box for a home trash for dinner, as I stare at these bricks, that are my pillows,while my hope gets thinner. I'm not sure how I got to this place, as I look into my past , mistakes and memories laugh in my face,  is there anyone out there who understand what I've bin through, please fit ur foot in my one n only shoe.....

Every morning I wake up with the same taste in my mouth, agony, self pitty, and everyone else's doubt. The thought of fuck it constantly on my mind, pack ur shit tatto the middle finger n just head south. But I submit to the reminder of who needs me and who can I live without. In denial of this is how it is, always trying to make a differnce, not sure how far or if I can make the distance but I refuse to be a part of this predetermined existence. As I witness accounts of many who have been subjected, and hand in their chips because it could be an oppurtunity neglected, satisfied with security over objective and then on ur death bed u lay regretted. I lay sponge like to this victims , in turmoil but cannot see it if only I can show them my vision. Its your decision to take what you have from birth till death, and share with everybody and expect opposition with every last breath. But we welcome fear over any other emotion, when the worst is death it happenes anyway everything in life drank that potion!!! But go ahead u know more then me, right?!I'm a 22 year old arab hippy right. Drown in this ocean, filled with lies and distractions, going through the motion, n have those bars n facebook n falcisities lower you down to the nearest decimal fraction.uhh.... yes my clothes are out of fashion, my body looks fathomed, suffering from depression all because makin you happy is my obsession. A kid with passions for what he truly cares for, barreling through peeople friends or family n breaking down the biggest door! "Make way for me n my dream"! I don't care who you are, I've come this far on foot , n I hope my friends are behind me, late but please excuse them, they use what we know as a car. Nonetheless I'm here now step aside, "whow there kid, u must follow the rules its a buisness, ur not welcome inside" letdown number 999, 999 but I still ride this ride. One more push one more shove to entertain n satisfy is what I'm here to do., but these constant rejections n displeased faces......fuck that I'm coming through!!!!!! Only to realize I do this for all of you, to bare witness to how someone holds something tight and stays true. To prove the humans are more than a 9-5, we could be happy if we knew how to decide n not continue the paths we leed, can't u see we have been decieved! Please my fellow beautiful creations idc color religion or sex orientiaon its the potential to make happen what me see in our imagination, thats my demonstration, I have spent and will forever spend my life in this field, try n make the world aBetter place, but more real, till then good luck keeping me concealed, as I run blindly through the world of the unkown, where a better understanding is what I call home,as I stare into a empty world, Im stuck all alone, please with what you know n what you do you really expect me to believe u can fill these shoes?

Hello eha,
Due to the proliferation of this kind of raw ranting it is probably best to be equally generic with critique. Should you genuinely wish to make points through poetry you should try to decide where you wish to improve and advise the crits in this site accordingly.
To help you, assuming that is why you posted this piece, here is a brief breakdown of the areas in which this crit considers some work could be done.
1) Syntax. To be absolutely honest, you may need to begin in "novice" with something along the lines of a nursery rhyme, just to grasp the rules of English language. Once you know the rules you can break them with confidence. As it is, you write as though you have had no interface with learning.
2) Grammar. Much if not all of what you have written is obscured and wasted in intent by your apparent inability to "string a sentence together" . Time and again we see this sort of incompetent drivel excused by the writer as being "raw", or "real" or "relevant" whereas we are all aware that it is rubbish masquerading as meaningful. If there was ever a requirement to redefine "delusional" in terms of poetry, then this is that. If you do not understand why grammatical devices exist, or have never been taught how to use them...then this is the place for you. If, on the other hand, you have delusions of personal pride in failure, no one can help and you may as well go away and spray-can the walls of the municipal conveniences. There you may find true pride among your peers. Not here, though.
3) Spelling. Aha! It seems that you CAN spell. This is not as contra to expectations as it would have been twenty years ago, before spell-checking programs existed. However, the disservice you do yourself in other areas would give this crit to believe that if the spell checker fucked up...so would you. Tell me I am rong, and that u reely can spel but sometimes think it is coole not to bovver. Groaaan
4) Poetic endeavour.
Do you want to write good poetry? Better poetry? Poetry? Prose? Before any time is expended on your work, this crit needs some assurance that you are not a dilettante. What you have so far posted, both in terms of crit and in the effort above, leads me to the sad conclusion that you are a time wasting troll. We get them here quite often. They end up telling us that the site is an arsehole before passing through, never to be seen again. Decide who you wish to be....or just go somewhere more suited to your needs.

Your call.
Best,
tectak

Excepted, possibly a troll or a uneducatex individual on the techniques and technicallities of being a good critic or sociable or how to write a legitimate poem. But with respect judging by ur use of vocabulary and towering intelligence and a predetermined vjrtual sense of what may be a troll remeber this is poetry art amongst artist. N for one, k sense a high level of inferiority due to my below novice work. It is not proffesionalism I seek or afirmation but a musuem of art where tourists can come see ugly n pretty this may be hideouse to yoh, so u may not allreciate the realith behind the legitimacy of our grading rubric but for those who feel and see art will treasure my trash because it may get them to or through whatever it is in life that possessed me to write such "garbage". In the end whether I'm booted never returned or no1 cares to read my poems, the poems are written in dark and enjoyed in dark n r from me, for me. I share because its free creative n no reason to be selfish. If I'm mistaken and poetry to has conformed to the hands of systematic approaval, standards and qualifications , then k apologize for wasting both our times. But I will continue till banned In hope for the one or two who care about what's written or the emotions. I'm just another person with passions n personality n here u are talking grammer n punctuation restassured my eyes will never gaze ur poetry in lack of intrested due to display of ur charchter, ur word play is a common trait these days" cut the b.s get to the point this is a buisness ya see"............everythkng great now started with your fucking crazy back then. So my advice to u mr tectak. Go find ur inner u, n let me suck at being emotional for whoever to enjoy whenever. I'm not mad u don't like it or dissaprove I'm mad that someone like u exists, make a point? In art? What point when everyone feels differntly about the same picture? Ur clearly missing the key concept of poetry, music , painting, the only reason legitimacy and pompus patrons like u have an ego and arrogance is cause u wish to make a living or be the best. Pathetic and a very average level of thinkin, maybe u should start with a basic book like where the wild things are lr clifford. Thinking I have time to act like I'm spellinb wrong, haha quite n imagination I will say, I'm guessjng 33-37 flat lining in your career n finally are being recognized with someone seeing ur potential, am I close. Dont get to big headed sir I'm sure there are still many natrual ways me n u r both susceptible to enduring no matter the city age or level of intelligence. Its how h deal with it and display it don't let the $$$$ or *** or likes convince u ur obsolete.