Some Poets

[Nick]

you have a good image, it just feels too wordy in a few places. take out anything that doesn't add something.

some poets
when they write
it's their words
they look like coloured chalk drawings would these for lines be better if condensed? a suggestion would be
[some poets words are
coloured chalk drawings] which turns it from a simile to a metaphor and removes excess baggage
on cement
on a sidewalk, same here [on a cement sidewalk]
beautiful
artistic
delicate while these are strong words, i'm not sure in this context they're worthy of their own lines.
folks stop and gaze, gaze is redundant as to admire it they must gaze at it
admire and walk around
nothin' wrong with that
then the dark comes
their words cannot blaze guidance not sure what this line is doing
again i'd suggest condensing [words are trampled]
are trampled without regard
and an errant shower
rebirths the grey keep everything from this line on (including this line)
the hard grey
the hard grey that gleams dully
in the damp unmetered dawn i really do like this line, it feels like there's no hope for poetry/poets

Thanks for your comments. The last line (and indeed the whole of the work) was intended to convey that all things created by man are transitory and nature moves unabated.

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Hi Nick,

Some comments for you:

some poets
when they write
it's their words;--Maybe, "their words look" and cut they on the next line
they look like colored chalk drawings
on cement
on a sidewalk--since you're doing one word lines anyway why not just sidewalks
beautiful--I sort of hate this word. It's like unique. I think the next two get you there.
artistic
delicate
folks stop and gaze
admire and walk around
nothin' wrong with that
then the dark comes
their words cannot blaze guidance--maybe in two lines "their words now to dim to blaze guidance" Just a thought
are trampled without regard
and an errant shower
rebirths the grey
the hard grey
the hard grey that gleams dully--I think the repetition here is too much
in the damp unmetered dawn--awesome last line

Just things to consider.

Best,

Todd

Thanks for your thoughts. I "unmetered" the last line when I originally posted this. After a few days "meterless" seemed to be a more apropro term.