10-22-2013, 01:53 AM
(10-22-2013, 01:42 AM)RyanRader13 Wrote: I'm glad I got so much response here, I appreciate the input. I definitely agree it should be shorter and this was more of a need to puke out everything in my head on the subject to see where to focus, I want to build a real piece of of the 'keep pile' from in here. The biggest things i wanted to convey is the stress and confusion and that feeeling of a short life flashing before his eyes. I want the reader to feel the pain the boy went through and the confusion he had to barrage the reader to feel the turmoil. I honestly agree it lacked imagery and needed more specifics, there was too much redundancy and much of it was written to be expendable. I'm happy to say thank you to everyone for feeling out the major issues here and giving me good tips I'll edit and repost soon.Good egg,
tectak