Atlas Shrugged (Edit #1)

[billy]

i think it's a good effort. the main problem for me are the small words that add nothing except length. at first i thought it would be an ayn rand tribute. thankfully i didn't seem to be
the opening stanza worked well for me in setting up the poem, it felt like i was going to get something worthwhile.

thanks for the read.

First poem I've written in ages. I'm not too happy with certain parts of it, wondering what you all think.
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This isn't an epiphany, soliloquy or hyperbole.
And it's not an autobiography.
It's more like hypocrisy. no need for [more like]

Disclaimer, I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be. would a ; do a better job that a ,

Youtube was running slow, or maybe it was my internet.
But while my video buffered, I wondered, no need for [but]
"When was the last time I told my mother I loved her?"

And that got me thinking about my priorities. no need for [and]
I spend so much effort staying up to date on pop-culture
which seems so vulgar like a vulture compared to purities. vulgar, no need for so
I spend so much time following that Twitter feed
and watching the latest TV series,
I forget about my priorities. something else instead of priorities that means the same thing perhaps?

Sometimes our priorities pile so high no need for [our]
that with the weight on our backs
you might as well call us Atlas you had me till this line. can it worded as a fact, a suggestion would be [we become atlas]
but it's not to say anything is impossible.

Even Atlas shrugged. this line feels forced and weakens the title.

So shrug off that weight and piece together the fragments of your life no need for [so],use a comma .after weight, remove [and]is this needed as it feels really preachy and non poetry.

The next time your favourite video stutters and buffers, a suggestion [when a favourite video stutters and buffers]
think about the last time you told your mother you loved her.