10-19-2013, 02:12 AM
[quote='billy' pid='144148' dateline='1381972771']
the poem after the first two lines tells me (the reader) nothing of your uncle but lots about you. so the title doesn't work.
nor do the parts about you. they're weak and obvious and wordy.
it's way to over the top and tries to hard to be poetic instead of trying to be poetry.
I appreciate the advice considering the title as well as on the descriptions. this one was written when I was fourteen, (I'm seventeen now), so its been a long time sense Ive even looked at this poem. I am currently working on a new poem about my uncles death, focusing mainly on the psychological effects the death had on me, as well as the grieving process and the death itself.
thanks for your comments and advice
-Gritdog
the poem after the first two lines tells me (the reader) nothing of your uncle but lots about you. so the title doesn't work.
nor do the parts about you. they're weak and obvious and wordy.
it's way to over the top and tries to hard to be poetic instead of trying to be poetry.
I appreciate the advice considering the title as well as on the descriptions. this one was written when I was fourteen, (I'm seventeen now), so its been a long time sense Ive even looked at this poem. I am currently working on a new poem about my uncles death, focusing mainly on the psychological effects the death had on me, as well as the grieving process and the death itself.
thanks for your comments and advice
-Gritdog