Insanity
#5
(09-03-2013, 04:11 AM)Poetborn Wrote:  Insanity now- a -days have become 1 with humanity
,and our friend morals well he has lost his very gravity
But Insanity is steadily grabbing we
, but we still nourish the deep pains
Often thinking we have ………. Well that we have gained our true friend sanity,but in fact its more delusions never sanity
,from our very own friend insanity
Hipo,
I am very sad to say this but your poem makes no sense at all. If you really believe that you have written down your concept as well as you possibly can...that is, to the best of your ability...then there is little I can say that would help you because you would not understand. On the other hand, you may just be lazy and cannot be bothered to check what you have written. Is English your first language? I ask this because the very first line is quite atrocious grammatically. "Insanity....have become..." is only less dreadful than the next line. ", and our friend morals well...". This in turn is followed by an even worse " ....insanity is steadily grabbing we". Do you have ANY understanding of punctuation? I ask kindly.
TRY READING MORE POETRY, INCLUDING THIS PIECE, OUT LOUD.
Look, this is YOUR poem, so only take from the following what you want. Scrap all of it if you so wish. It is but a suggested version.

Insanity today would seem to inflict all humanity; (or afflict depending upon your viewpoint)
morality, our once stern friend, has now lost all its gravity.
Insanity is stealthily gripping us and grabbing. We
still cultivate our deepest pains, hoping that old friend will be
here for us, to rescue us, our one true Saviour...Sanity.
But no, it seems delusional that what we think is certainty
turns out to be in cruel disguise, the demon called Insanity.

Best,
tectak
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Insanity - by Poetborn - 09-03-2013, 04:11 AM
RE: Insanity - by Malu - 10-18-2013, 05:11 AM
RE: Insanity - by FayandFire - 10-18-2013, 10:34 AM
RE: Insanity - by Viktor Vaughn - 10-18-2013, 05:36 PM
RE: Insanity - by tectak - 10-18-2013, 06:28 PM
RE: Insanity - by nhanna1223 - 02-04-2014, 11:17 AM
RE: Insanity - by billy - 02-04-2014, 12:03 PM
RE: Insanity - by shenaz - 02-07-2014, 05:14 AM
RE: Insanity - by ralex003 - 02-07-2014, 10:49 AM
RE: Insanity - by Lisa - 02-07-2014, 08:21 PM
RE: Insanity - by Bart_Bowen - 02-09-2014, 04:08 AM
RE: Insanity - by shemthepenman - 02-09-2014, 06:03 AM
RE: Insanity - by alatos - 02-09-2014, 12:47 PM
RE: Insanity - by Sheep - 02-11-2014, 06:53 PM
RE: Insanity - by kindofahippy - 02-18-2014, 02:34 AM
RE: Insanity - by sheepy - 02-21-2014, 09:29 AM
RE: Insanity - by Jetz - 02-23-2014, 12:37 PM
RE: Insanity - by Camels - 02-25-2014, 07:04 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!