All These Tales of Suicide

[Todd]

Jenn, I didn't have high hopes for all of our suicide poems, but I found myself really enjoying this one. Some comments for you:

Edit:
I'm hearing tales of suicide,
of angst and broken men,--That is just a perfect follow up to the first line. I'd be tempted to make this your title if the speaker wasn't a woman. As it stands, I love it here.
reminding me of harder days,
reliving them again.

The job I went to college for,--Feels like it should be "I went to college for this job" I realize you may not want the repetition of the "I" starting each line, but the syntax felt a bit off as it was
I worked ten years, same wage.
A girl I'd trained became my boss.
The bitch then cut my pay.--Funny, love this.

My marriage rot with wormy lies,--rot doesn't feel right here rotten or rotting maybe. I love how it plays off wormy lies though. Really nice
four selfish boys we built,--I know you're doing the rhyme here built feels a bit mechanical for your images. I could live with it because I like the content. Spawned or something like it feels more right though to me. If that makes sense?
a house diseased by secret yens,
foundation made of guilt.
I thought, perhaps a better man?--Feels a little awkward. I think it needs to be more forthright: I thought you were a better man/you had your fun...
He had his fun and left.
With mixed regret my troubled mind
told God I failed the test.

I drove the longest way I knew,
as slowly as I dared.
I dreaded going home to see
the people living there.
The passing woods were calling me
to crash into a tree.--love these lines
I'd feel no pain. All problems solved
if I just ceased to be.--and this, it's the temptation to end it all, which is scarier than the ending.

A lot of things, but coward? No!
I made it home alright.
This shitty life is hard, but hell,
I'm putting up a fight.

Nice read Jenn. I enjoyed it.

Best,

Todd

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Love Love Love it. really got down and dirty with it! keep it up .

Hey Maya, glad you liked this. I did too. We want a little more feedback as to why you liked it in the critique forums. Feel free to elaborate. Thanks. /admin