10-14-2013, 05:43 PM
Laura,
*bows to applause*
My vote is definitely to keep with the anapests - they give it almost a lazy, gritty feel (if those two adjectives together make any sense at all). On that note, your last line is very nearly in that rhythm, with the subtraction of a few "of"s:
of old PARis, old GASlamps, old BOTtles of WINE.
(I also really like the occasional syllable slipping out from the meter - sort of like it just doesn't want to be confined.)
Good luck and such - I'm excited to read the revision!
*bows to applause*
My vote is definitely to keep with the anapests - they give it almost a lazy, gritty feel (if those two adjectives together make any sense at all). On that note, your last line is very nearly in that rhythm, with the subtraction of a few "of"s:
of old PARis, old GASlamps, old BOTtles of WINE.
(I also really like the occasional syllable slipping out from the meter - sort of like it just doesn't want to be confined.)
Good luck and such - I'm excited to read the revision!
-Lexi