2nd Draft: 7 Commandments My Child Should Know (after Tonya Ingram)

[Malu]

Thank you for your input. I am mostly a spoken word poet so I am hoping that performance will add to my intended tone and make the poem more clear. It's a mother being uncomfortably transparent with her child so at times it gets fragmented out of fear and awkwardness but I'm having trouble with being too... wordy? So I'd like to shave up the confusing parts.

Also, I guess I meant "more alley than altar." - if that still doesn't make sense, let me know. And yes, my mother's hips are extra truthful. Just like Shakira's.

I like this idea a lot, it doesn't seem that wordy to me. And that line still does not make sense to me, something is just not clicking in my head.