Strike

[tectak]

Glorious! Glorious! Glorious!

J'adore! J'adore! I am at some spiritual, some hounfour deep in the belly of Haiti, I am dancing around a bonfire outside my head on peyote - whatever, it's beautiful. It's ceremony, it's the visionary entering trance, the priest collapsing onto the sand in prayer, and so on. There is something immensley fast about it which is for me just - ecstasy! Even, it invokes the image of colorful Sufi whirling, which casts the ego somewhere lost into the abyss. I adore it! You have made a poem of true ecstasy! Grassroots ecstasy! A poem of orgasm, of trance, of gnosis, of whatever... Of those little moments of pure joy and bliss, that 'loose the lightning's pent-up' burn.

I disagree with everybody about all criticisms they have made to the structure of the verse. They are wrong, and I denounce them as poets.

j'adore, ecstacy and orgasmic are not considered valid critique.How could you help the author improve the piece? Your comments are about you, not the poem.
mod.

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Roar and rumble, twist and turn,
loose the lightning’s pent-up burn.
Flash and flicker, dance and dive,
for an instant feel alive.

Terse verse, sure, but packs a lot in. Someone commented on the length and asked for more. I agree BUT at this level of excitement it would be difficult to maintain UNLESS the stanza above became a refrain.
Short piece, short crit.
Best,
tectak