Memory Garden

[FractalPacifist]

Overall thoughts: great rhyming. It doesn't feel forced, which can be difficult to accomplish. I'm no master at meter, so I didn't comment in that area, but this read very well.

As I mentioned about the ending in my lin-by-line notes, I would have preferred something slower and stuttering; a death by freezing in the snow happens over time, as opposed to something sudden. I guess I just felt like the shriek was a bit jarring - but maybe that's what you were going for. ^_^

Above a crispy flock of flipping leaves,
the sky was tortured gray. Not sure if I like "tortured gray" or not. On the one hand, "tortured" helps set the mood. On the other hand, "tortured grey" is a semi-commonly used expression, and I'd like to see something more creative.
The soil was hard and gaping open I think the word "was" weakens this line, even if it helps keep to the meter.
like a mouth in shocked dismay.
My scanty foliage shriveled brown and dry,
descending to the ground;
Determined to survive the world this way
although my roots were bound. I really likes this pair of lines.
Impassive gusts of wailing wind would beat
my face with no refrain.
The prickly dust, a choking cover up I stuttered a little on "choking cover up", but that might be just me.
until the day you rained.

At first, your mist was slow and tender-sweet,
sinking into the rift,
and then my birthing thirst was jarred unloose I do like "birthing thirst.
to openly accept your gift.
In breaking sun, amongst the carpet-grass,
I blossomed whole, anew. I agree with others - this flower metaphor is a good one. Keep it. ^_^
I spread my petals: pink, exposed and pale
to bathe in earthy dew.
Repressed no more. I flourished unashamed Perhaps a comma after "repressed" instead of a period, or a comma after "dew"?
while feeling like a rose,
but seasons drift away. You would not stay
to save me from the snow.
The chill was quick and while I wilt again,
I writhe in piercing pain.
Aloud, I shriek, "It hurts me more to suffer Part of me feels like the ending would have been better with a slow, dying breath, instead of a shriek.
with the memory of your rain!"