Memory Garden

[jringo_]

Edit (in progress):
Above a crispy flock of flipping leaves, CRISPy FLOCK of FLIPping leaves... wonderful
the sky was tortured gray. tortured gray means nothing, find something solid?
The soil was hard and gaping open gaping seems like a filler
like a mouth in shocked dismay. shocked dismay is also ethereal
My scanty foliage shriveled brown and dry, niiiiice
descending to the ground;
Determined to survive the world this way
although my roots were bound. gorgeous
Impassive gusts of wailing wind would beat Impassive is a filler
my face with no refrain.
The prickly dust, a choking cover up
until the day you rained. I LOVE THIS PUN

At first, your mist was slow and tender-sweet,
sinking into the rift, "Sinking" throws the meter you've so wonderfully established. It should be an iamb, "sinking" is a trochee.
and then my birthing thirst was jarred unloose
to openly accept your gift.
In breaking sun, amongst the carpet-grass, Carpet-grass, now that's something solid. Amazing image
I blossomed whole, anew.
I spread my petals: pink, exposed and pale
to bathe in earthy dew. Very romantic language! <3 it
Repressed no more. I flourished unashamed
while feeling like a rose, I'm confused by the counter-point. Are roses usually ashamed?
but seasons drift away. You would not stay
to save me from the snow.
The chill was quick and while I wilt again,
I writhe in piercing pain.
Aloud, I shriek, "It hurts me more to suffer
with the memory of your rain!" THE REPETITION OF THIS PUN IS EVEN BETTER! AHHH!

You have structured a very rhythmic poem, though you do deviate from it from time to time. As such, you seem to use fillers, or words that add little but to the rhythm or meter. I enjoy this poem =) but I would suggest writing it out in paragraph form, reading it aloud, finding the words that just don't need to be there, take them out, relineate it, then decide to keep the meter or not.