10-12-2013, 12:35 AM
I really really appreciate the feedback and I was actually not expecting anyone to like it or get it but im glad that it got across much better than my expectations.
Erthona, you pointing out the stale word choice actually gave me a better idea. the song is supposed to be that self loathing crazy rant when someone slips into madness and I agree that switching to 'me' at the second stanza was too obvious and stale. I thought about it and I think I'll try editing it to make the slip toward madness a bit less obvious. Like going through different points of view, starting it out detached like addressing someoone else in the third person then in the second verse like directly talking to someone and in the final one have it be full 1st person. Does that sound a bit more interesting?
Milo, I would love to but i would have to look into how to transpose it into more of a music theory format. I'm completely self taught so some of the proper things are lost on me and i think my lack of properness contributes to my chaotic nature. the song is set up to be metal but instead of that metallica slipknot kind of metal its more along that heavy droning korn had a baby with marilyn manson. If you would like me to make an acoustic version for comical purposes let me know if you would find that entertaining.
Malu, screaming very very screaming, not like chelsea grin, not like cannibal corpse, like that dark 90's sadistic trip (ex: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrfBT02mKBI) that slow but menacing feel. I actually kinda like some of the use of cliche depending on how its twisted, the one you pointed out is not my favorite of them but I'm glad you were receptive to it. I would real;y like any suggestions you have for making the audience more aware of the nature of the lyrics.
tigrflye, I definitely hear you on the lack of originality, as far as the words go I can definitely say it sounds really radiohead, I think the only spin i have on it is in the music itself which is lost on this forum since i only posted the words. I am glad you liked the simplistic nature, thats really the kind of thing I enjoy, i'm not a dragonforce junkie who likes 50,000 notes shoved into a measure I am more interested in that slow catatonic dragging feeling, I think some of the best messages are the ones everybody can get, kinda like the novel, I like music that you can feel and know what you are hearing without having to guess, and I like the sugestion toward similes I think I would like to try mixing some in to see what happens maybe replace some of the redundance.
I loved all of the suggestions and I'm glad to see all the feedback. I want this to be the best it can be and if I finish it I'll give everyone the option to hear it. If i need to post the instrumental part to help visualize it just let me know
Erthona, you pointing out the stale word choice actually gave me a better idea. the song is supposed to be that self loathing crazy rant when someone slips into madness and I agree that switching to 'me' at the second stanza was too obvious and stale. I thought about it and I think I'll try editing it to make the slip toward madness a bit less obvious. Like going through different points of view, starting it out detached like addressing someoone else in the third person then in the second verse like directly talking to someone and in the final one have it be full 1st person. Does that sound a bit more interesting?
Milo, I would love to but i would have to look into how to transpose it into more of a music theory format. I'm completely self taught so some of the proper things are lost on me and i think my lack of properness contributes to my chaotic nature. the song is set up to be metal but instead of that metallica slipknot kind of metal its more along that heavy droning korn had a baby with marilyn manson. If you would like me to make an acoustic version for comical purposes let me know if you would find that entertaining.
Malu, screaming very very screaming, not like chelsea grin, not like cannibal corpse, like that dark 90's sadistic trip (ex: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrfBT02mKBI) that slow but menacing feel. I actually kinda like some of the use of cliche depending on how its twisted, the one you pointed out is not my favorite of them but I'm glad you were receptive to it. I would real;y like any suggestions you have for making the audience more aware of the nature of the lyrics.
tigrflye, I definitely hear you on the lack of originality, as far as the words go I can definitely say it sounds really radiohead, I think the only spin i have on it is in the music itself which is lost on this forum since i only posted the words. I am glad you liked the simplistic nature, thats really the kind of thing I enjoy, i'm not a dragonforce junkie who likes 50,000 notes shoved into a measure I am more interested in that slow catatonic dragging feeling, I think some of the best messages are the ones everybody can get, kinda like the novel, I like music that you can feel and know what you are hearing without having to guess, and I like the sugestion toward similes I think I would like to try mixing some in to see what happens maybe replace some of the redundance.
I loved all of the suggestions and I'm glad to see all the feedback. I want this to be the best it can be and if I finish it I'll give everyone the option to hear it. If i need to post the instrumental part to help visualize it just let me know