10-11-2013, 07:16 AM
(10-11-2013, 06:43 AM)rowens Wrote: Fix the grammar up a little bit. Not too much. Minor things, like the they typoed as the, and maybe a few other things that you can decide on. The quick and typical forced rhymes might be meant in mockery, but they're not very effective so far.first crack at anything in years, I've never been much of a person for grammar not because I lack the ability I am just lazy like that. I do agree with you on the rhymes, but you got the message of mockery I was shooting for so I am doing much better than I anticipated. It's very rough draft done on the fly not very strong as a poem. I do enjoy that we share that bias, got any tips for future work?
Most rednecks, and rapper-wannabes that I know are cocksuckers that don't deserve to live. But then again, I'm biased against them. So you have a good theme here. Just not very effective as a poem yet.