My First (Take 2)

[billy]

So it appear I have A LOT to learn and the first thing I posted wasn't even poetry. I've decided I'm going to get this poetry stuff and in the process gone from what I thought was a piece of poetry that was void of all the cliché junk most people think is poetry that wasn't poetry at all, to something that is incredibly cliché but hopefully is poetry. Let me know what you think and how I can improve

Within the folds of nights cold veil, night's
the raven squawks its last detail.
With its wish granted true,
another's world fades from view.

And will this second darkness come
with questions of deeds, or those undone?
Or will this silence profoundly new
be all that's left from that faded world view?

it's a bit poe which is never a bad thing, i think you could do another couple of verse which would make it complete. so far it's a huge improvement on your last poem.
a bit of yoda speak in the last line but a solid improvement.

see if you can do the same with some feedback