10-10-2013, 04:57 AM
a) LOVE your attitude!
b) Check out the Poetry Practice forum for tips on why rhyming poetry should always use meter of some kind.
c) Ending the poem on a question can sometimes be effective (though rarely), but in this case it makes it feel a bit unfinished. You could easily think up a nice concluding couplet that still leaves things open ended but isn't just going to make the reader say yes or no and then move on without thinking much about it.
d) Why am I listing stuff? Something is wrong in my brain. Anyway. night's. I actually really enjoy the tone of this poem, it's quite appropriate for this time of year with all the Halloween-y stuff around
. There aren't any real cliches here -- night's veil could be considered one but I think you've worded that well enough to avoid the trap for now. There are good bones here and it's poetic -- not because it rhymes, but because it has a good depth to it and that will only improve with editing.
b) Check out the Poetry Practice forum for tips on why rhyming poetry should always use meter of some kind.
c) Ending the poem on a question can sometimes be effective (though rarely), but in this case it makes it feel a bit unfinished. You could easily think up a nice concluding couplet that still leaves things open ended but isn't just going to make the reader say yes or no and then move on without thinking much about it.
d) Why am I listing stuff? Something is wrong in my brain. Anyway. night's. I actually really enjoy the tone of this poem, it's quite appropriate for this time of year with all the Halloween-y stuff around
. There aren't any real cliches here -- night's veil could be considered one but I think you've worded that well enough to avoid the trap for now. There are good bones here and it's poetic -- not because it rhymes, but because it has a good depth to it and that will only improve with editing.
It could be worse