10-09-2013, 08:17 AM
Dale & tigrfly- You guys make good points on the language. I suppose I justified half the wording as part of the narrator's "voice", though the other half I probably didn't notice. Poems always read just fine when you're the one who writes them 
. All the ambiguity does have to go, I agree.
fractalpacifist- I definitely need to expand on the walking in the intro, or even better, I should introduce a more nuanced scenario to walk passed.
. All the ambiguity does have to go, I agree.fractalpacifist- I definitely need to expand on the walking in the intro, or even better, I should introduce a more nuanced scenario to walk passed.