10-08-2013, 04:11 PM
(10-08-2013, 12:17 PM)Erthona Wrote: Tom,Its indulgent. Gimmicky 9 line,10 line,11 line, 12 line. I was trying to make a point. Poetry by everything except discipline. No one bit. Not even you.
Blank verse tetrameter, although you do drop into a type of rhyme at 11pm.
Yes, very swelteringly morose. Much use of alliteration.
"pickled from the inside out, and outside in." I count 6 feet, how many do you count?
"Orange" nearly threw me off until I remembered that some of you make two syllables of the word.
Very picturesque I suppose, but the focus wanders so I have trouble being able to make good use of your images. 10pm had that sort of "West Side Story" feel to it, but after that nothing really seemed to hold it together.
Dale
Pickled line half foot short of six but who'se counting?
Funny thing, and you may have had this before...just like shit, rhyme happens. It has (is) been a great summer in the UK. I don't like towns but had to spend a night in Halifax....this is that.
Thanks for taking the time to hack at it. Is it worth editing?
Best,
tectak.
(How is Venus? I will visit. I went away and it set. )