Once were

[billy]

it's quite a large edit so i'm not sure where to start

Edit 6/10/2013

In this twisted menagerie i'm not sure this line works well for me, well i am really and it doesn't add anything. in fact i thought the way you split the 2nd line and did a rewording of it works well enough not to bother with a new 1st line.
I awake with stripes
finger-painted on my hide;
the sort that only appear
the morning after,
when my eyes are closed. better for being broken down

Shouts and flashes built my box
and I am independent of the floor
I once commanded,

a transportable label that others know
by osmosis rather than effort. I am the moan
that passes complacent lips.

Fragments of me leave
in iMemories. Collected and centrifuged,
they would yield nothing but sludge:

omitto tacitus

Original Version

I awoke with different stripes
finger-painted on my hide,
the sort that only show when your eyes are closed.

Shouts and flashes built my box
and I am independent of the floor
I once commanded,

a transportable label that others know
by osmosis rather than effort, as they
absorb the quiddity you stapled to the bill.

Fragments of me leave
in iMemories. Collected and centrifuged,
they would yield nothing but sludge:

omitto tacitus