10-08-2013, 11:25 AM
This has a fair amount of grammatical, syntactical, and ambiguity problems that makes difficult to read. Really the only thing I got from it was the reference to the Beatles song. There could be some nice parts here but the writing negates them, such as:
"inhale the pumpkin scented air,
like a mouthful of crispy leaves"
I like the crispy leaves, but the way it is written it could be read as "like a mouthful of crispy leaves I inhale..." How does a mouthful of crispy leaves inhale? What is missing is, tasting like a mouthful, or smelling like...
"inhale the pumpkin scented air,
tasting like a mouthful of crispy leaves"
This piece is rife with this sort of unintentional ambiguity. It is very difficult to read this without stopping every other line and asking, "What does that mean?".
Dale
"inhale the pumpkin scented air,
like a mouthful of crispy leaves"
I like the crispy leaves, but the way it is written it could be read as "like a mouthful of crispy leaves I inhale..." How does a mouthful of crispy leaves inhale? What is missing is, tasting like a mouthful, or smelling like...
"inhale the pumpkin scented air,
tasting like a mouthful of crispy leaves"
This piece is rife with this sort of unintentional ambiguity. It is very difficult to read this without stopping every other line and asking, "What does that mean?".
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.