The Undertaker's Chore

[JunKai]

I personally have no problem with a snapshot (though this is truly a photograph) of some larger narrative left unsaid. I'm no fan of prose-poetry and did not get a sense of it here but the line breaks could use a second look, if you're willing to let go of any meter you may have established (sorry, but I'm too busy to count right now). Sample of how you might modify a line: "They take her down like a sandbag, cutting/" as a full line--it would perpetuate the violence and further emphasize the disregard of the original murderous act while creating tension that then persists w/ Mr. Wicke's perversity. Thudding on a copse doesn't work for me. Perhaps has a different connotation that I've missed than the American denotation of a thicket, which would provide some give and perhaps some crackling or snapping. I don't think the final line needs "furtively". It has the potential to connote an intentionally implied motive (shiftiness) that badgers can't have and also disrupts the quiet alliteration of the "b's" that points to the subterranean silence. Badgers carry such strength in imagery that I think they rarely need adjectives. If meter is an issue, my own preference is always to sacrifice it if it gets in the way of the greater good.

Last, please know this does not come from a prude but a word junkie: I think that "cunny" is not only redundant, your having already established the perverted sexual desire w/ "breast", but it detours the tone into a dead end given the word apparently belongs to the otherwise straight-laced narrator and not Wicke, as I read it, or it is at best ambiguous, which I think should be resolved. If it does belong to Wicke's thoughts, "breast" needs to be crude, too.

Looking forward to a revision.

In service,
JunKai

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After I pressed post, I realized I got a bit carried away for "mild critique". The newbie's finding his way. Hope you don't mind the excess for this forum.
Best intentions,
JunKai

I personally have no problem with a snapshot (though this is truly a photograph) of some larger narrative left unsaid. I'm no fan of prose-poetry and did not get a sense of it here but the line breaks could use a second look, if you're willing to let go of any meter you may have established (sorry, but I'm too busy to count right now). Sample of how you might modify a line: "They take her down like a sandbag, cutting/" as a full line--it would perpetuate the violence and further emphasize the disregard of the original murderous act while creating tension that then persists w/ Mr. Wicke's perversity. Thudding on a copse doesn't work for me. Perhaps has a different connotation that I've missed than the American denotation of a thicket, which would provide some give and perhaps some crackling or snapping. I don't think the final line needs "furtively". It has the potential to connote an intentionally implied motive (shiftiness) that badgers can't have and also disrupts the quiet alliteration of the "b's" that points to the subterranean silence. Badgers carry such strength in imagery that I think they rarely need adjectives. If meter is an issue, my own preference is always to sacrifice it if it gets in the way of the greater good.

Last, please know this does not come from a prude but a word junkie: I think that "cunny" is not only redundant, your having already established the perverted sexual desire w/ "breast", but it detours the tone into a dead end given the word apparently belongs to the otherwise straight-laced narrator and not Wicke, as I read it, or it is at best ambiguous, which I think should be resolved. If it does belong to Wicke's thoughts, "breast" needs to be crude, too.

Looking forward to a revision.

In service,
JunKai