10-07-2013, 01:22 PM
I like where this is going, but it feels too short. Not that short is bad - I would simply enjoy hearing an expansion on your ideas.
I also think the title could use work. This doesn't seem to be as much about the writer in you as about a day in the life kinda thing.
I also think the title could use work. This doesn't seem to be as much about the writer in you as about a day in the life kinda thing.
(10-05-2013, 04:18 AM)Nick Wrote: Her tatts are blurred by wine
She kinda smells like cat piss stark. I like it.
I tap on the butcher papered typer try a hyphen in "butcher-papered." Also, what happened to the girl?
as the rooms bulb dances from the cord Could easily be cut down to "as the bulb danced from the cord." That you are in a room doesn't really need stating; however, a little more imagery in this stanza would be nice.
(fucking trains)
My rig is darted in the wall confused here - what kind of rig?
Won't need it anymore, finally met God
Ashtrays everywhere
All overfilled
That babe can sure suck some butt interesting double wording.
Gotta finish this piece
Get some sack time
Tomorrows horror dawns early
-Lexi